Remodeling Motherhood author to visit Southern Saratoga

CLIFTON PARK (Nov. 8) — Having a baby was all it took to change Kristin Maschka’s 15-year marriage from the 21st century to the 1950s.

Maschka and her husband thought they were an enlightened couple, abandoning traditional gender roles and sharing the duties of marriage. Then came their daughter, Kate.

“We thought we had a modern, egalitarian marriage. All of the sudden it turned into Ozzie and Harriet,” said Maschka, author of “This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today.” She will be visiting the area Wednesday and Thursday to put on workshops in conjunction with Mothers & More of Southern Saratoga.

Kristin Maschka, author of “This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today," will be holding workshops Nov. 11-12 in Clifton Park.

Kristin Maschka, author of “This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today,” will be holding workshops Nov. 11-12 in Clifton Park.

Suddenly, Maschka was assuming all of the stereotypical mom duties while her husband was working 70-hour weeks — and neither of them was happy about it.

“We fell into a vicious cycle,” she said. “I was doing everything, and we were both frustrated.”

It took 2 years of plotting and planning for the couple to get their marriage back to where they wanted it to be. Maschka started her own consulting business, and her husband left the large law firm he was with to start his own practice.

“Our marriage is happy now,” she said. “It’s not that the logistics are easier. Our relationship with each other is better.”

They made up a list of all of the tasks parenthood and being a family required and divided up the duties. Now their daughter Kate is 9, she shares some of the work.

“A father may not even be aware of all the work it takes to keep a family running,” Maschka said. “And I would keep stuffing stuff in the trash can instead of taking the garbage out. We don’t tend to see what the other parent does.”

While she was pregnant, Maschka joined Mothers & More. She quickly became more involved with the group and soon was the national organization’s president — a position she held for 4 years. That gave her the opportunity to talk to mothers across the country.

Though she’s no longer a leader in Mothers & More, she still talks to a lot of the group’s members and runs workshops in conjunction with local chapters. This week she will be holding 4 workshops in the Capital Region:

  • Wednesday, Nov. 11, 8-9:30 p.m.: “Exploring the Mental Maps of Motherhood,” Bellini’s Italian Eatery, 29 Clifton Country Road, Clifton Park
  • Thursday, Nov. 12, 9:30-11 a.m.: “Identity Pie: How Motherhood Changes the Way We See Ourselves,” Clifton Park-Halfmoon Public Library, 475 Moe Road, Clifton Park
  • Thursday, Nov. 12, 4-5 p.m.: “Crunchy Waffles & Juice Cycles: Why Motherhood Needs Remodeling,” Russell Sage College, Troy
  • Thursday, Nov. 12, 7-8 p.m.: “Identity Pie: How Motherhood Changes the Way We See Ourselves,” Tiny Tots Tea Room, 1536 Crescent Road, Clifton Park

Maschka hopes her experience will help her daughter.

“I hope she will go into parenthood with her eyes open,” Maschka said. “Just hearing talk about the importance of us sharing that work as a family helps.”

Already it has had an impact. After watching a juice commercial showing a mother with children in the park, Kate talked to her mother about it.

Maschka said, “She came to me and said, ‘Mommy, they think that mommies are the only ones that take care of kids.’”

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